I'm trying to understanding you. How to loving you can break myself. ~
This morning is cloudy, like yesterday morning, probably still the same cloud, which last day went and then came back this morning.
Exactly this morning when I woke up, I realized why I was so afraid of being let down. Yes, I often ask why, why am I so afraid of falling in love. Then I found the reason, that I was too reluctant to be heartbroken. That, of course, I realized long ago.
Then this morning, I again realized one thing. Why I am so afraid to fall in love, that is because I was so afraid of being disappointed. Why? Because I realized that I was a very elusive person. Have an up and down mood, my mood is so fast changing. I am also crybaby, I am so good at crying. I am afraid of anger. But where is that relationship without anger?
I will be difficult to accept when my partner silences me, or will be so sad when my partner is angry. My heart is too weak to let love in. Yes, I did meet some people who survived, but soon I finally retreated. Because of what? Because I am so self-conscious, I may not be able to make her happy. This is just my worst thought.
I am not a simple woman who is easy to obey or obey love. I am too complicated, and it often swallows my own. I have a lot of things to think about, my family is not a normal family that is happy as it is. We have many shortcomings that we try to improve every day. And is there anyone who would accept the goods being repaired? Although I am not a good thing, but I am not ready to be used for happiness, I am being repaired alive. God is giving me the opportunity to become a bigger man by giving me some big problems to solve. And is there a man who is patient enough to accompany me? Help me? Receive me what it is?
Hahaha, this is funny when I suddenly think that I am a goods being repaired. But that popped into my brain this second only that. I am not something that is ready to be used for happiness (mu). You have to be ready with the damage, help me fix it, or even be ready to accept the misfortune because of the damage. Like you were driving a vehicle that could suddenly break down on the trip. Are you ready to push it up to the garage, find out which part is broken and fix it. Even bear the cost. So that we can both come to the goal.
It was so big and it made me think, which one is capable of. Then I will pull over and try to fix it myself. I will love when I am healed and able to work optimally. But how long will it be? But a nearest person I say, 'give love a chance to at least go in. Then, you may decide, to fall in love or not to him. '
Maybe for some people, that's easy. But not for me, really.
There will be a time, I am ready to please anyone who will love me ...
Right now, I'm learning to fall in love better. So that later, no regret for (always) passing those who are trying to love me.
